Pathetic
by Elise May
Summary: "I wonder where them two are off together."
1. Chapter 1

_I have such a weak spot for 2010 Carla and Nick. The link to the scene this is referring to is on my profile if anyone is interested! Also, would people actually be interested in reading more 2010 Carla and Nick stuff I've written? I'm asking for a friend, you see ;)_

* * *

 **Pathetic**

* * *

It's Christmas Eve and she's alone at the bar.

It is a place he has seen her frequent often in recent weeks and he cannot help but feel sorry for her. She is an attractive woman, he has never been able to deny her of that, but she has been in short supply of suitors ever since her binman left her for an ex he'd surely gotten over by now and Nick finds himself wondering why.

Of course, he can guess. She's stubborn and she's overbearing at the best of times. She is always right, even when she is wrong. And she always has to have the last word. She infuriates him, no matter how intriguing he finds her, and he thinks that any man who willingly decides to get involved with her and all of her problems, whatever they may be, must be completely and utterly insane, for she cannot be worth the effort. He imagines that she is a hard woman to please. Needy, clingy. A chore. He doesn't think she's the type to settle for second best, but then who is he to know such things?

"I should get going."

Her hand is on his arm and although she is softly smiling, the smile does not quite reach her eyes. It never does these days.

"Oh." Nick pauses, gesturing towards the empty glass she cradles in her hands the way one might hold on to a lifeline. It doesn't seem as if she has realised that the liquid is gone, consumed at such a rate that he had missed her drinking it as he payed for his own. "Can I not buy you another drink?"

Carla hesitates. His offer is a tempting one. God knows she wants to accept it, but she's already had her half and when she raises her eyes to meet Peter's across the pub, she knows that another would be a bad idea. His expression tells her so. Carla shakes her head.

"No." Her sigh is long and drawn out and she sounds exhausted all of a sudden. "No, thank you. I'm fine."

Nick nods.

"Okay." And then words are leaving his mouth before he can stop them or even think about what they could imply. "Let me walk you home." Her astonished look, the widened eyes and the perfectly arched brows, tell him everything he already knows. He tries to save himself. "What? It's Christmas."

His laughter is at the expense of himself.

"It's Christmas Eve," Carla corrects him. Always right, even when she needn't be. Even when he isn't wrong.

He smirks.

"I'm trying to be nice."

"You? Nice? Don't make me laugh." Carla carefully places her wine glass down on to the bar, as if she has only just realised she is still clinging to it. She goes to pick up her bag, but this is not before she – again – catches a glimpse at Peter. And Nick notices. He has barely taken his own eyes away from that particular corner of the pub and when she purposefully, almost forcibly, takes his arm, he knows whose benefit it is for and it certainly isn't his. She continues, "Come on, then."

They ignore the eyes burning into the back of their heads as they exit, both sets as green and desperate and full of longing as the other's.

* * *

She does not drop his arm as quickly as he thought she would. They are already half way to her flat, half way down the street that is so dark now, the debris from weeks gone by still not having been entirely cleared and a chill in the air that Nick is sure is not just a part of the winter weather that is now upon them, when she does so. And she does so slowly, not wanting to draw attention to the fact that she has forgotten to let go of him.

They turn a corner and Nick speaks for the first time since they have left the pub.

"How are things?"

Carla is taken aback.

"At Underworld?" she asks.

"No. With you."

His concern is alien to her and she doesn't like it. It feels forced and random and insincere, even though she knows it probably isn't. Folk around here have changed. They have had to since no life was left untouched by the tragedy that unfolded here less than a month ago. So many so very nearly lost their lives. Carla reckons it's only right that they should all now start to care for each other.

For some, she cares too much.

"Me?" She snorts. Nick wonders why the sound is such a broken one, wonders why he can almost hear disbelief in it. Disbelief that someone would even think to ask. "I'm fine, Nick. Honestly, I am. I mean, look at me. Two arms, two legs. Not a care in the world. It's more than what can be said for some."

Ashley's screams still ring loudly in his ears. He sometimes thinks they'll never leave him. Nick takes a deep breath.

"There's more to being okay than just having a clean bill of health and a pulse in your veins." The words are difficult for him to get out for some reason. "I know you. I know you, Carla. You're not yourself."

She is raising her eyebrows at him again, looking at him as if he's got a nerve to even think that, let alone say it. Really, he has. Really, he doesn't know her at all. She laughs incredulously and shakes her head.

"Right," she says. "Well, thanks for that information. What do you suppose I do with it?"

They stop walking. They have reached Carla's block of flats. With his hands in his pockets, Nick shrugs. His voice is tired.

"Do what you want," he replies. "Isn't that what you always do, anyway?"

She sighs loudly.

"You know what, Nick?" She is angry. God, she is angry. At him; at herself. At the whole stupid world and all that is in it that she cannot have. "Fuck off. Right, I'm so beyond caring. Merry Christmas and all that, but seriously. Don't talk to me again unless you've got something useful to say. Because if I wasn't feeling like shit before, I certainly am now. So well done."

She really is pathetic. Her breathing is all off and her eyes have began to tear up. She turns to enter the building, but his hand is on her arm, pulling her back to him, the movement as forceful as it is gentle, and when she meets his eyes, she swears that they are looking where she only wishes she wanted them to – or perhaps that is a lie. Perhaps this is what she has been waiting to happen. Because it would make things a lot more simple, wouldn't it? She licks her lips and he imitates the action. She suddenly feels rather hot.

"Listen. Carla, I'm sorry."

She knows he means it, but she is so confused that his apology does not matter to her. It doesn't even register. She shakes her head and lowers her eyes, verging on shy.

"I should go."

He removes his hand from her arm and she almost wishes he hadn't.

"Of course." His hands are in his pockets again and he is looking anywhere but at her face. Carla adjusts her bag strap against her shoulder. "Well, Merry Christmas. I hope it's a good one."

Her head is bowed and he knows that she is going to be spending it alone. Alone for the most part, anyway. He thinks he'd like her a whole lot more if she wasn't quite so tragic.

"Thanks." She returns his smile ever so slightly. "You too, Nick. And I mean that."


	2. Chapter 2

_I was kidding myself into thinking this was going to be a oneshot..._

* * *

 **Pathetic**

* * *

It's five minutes into the new year and she does not feel like making any resolutions.

She lists them off in her head.

 _This year, I will drink less. This year, I will smile more. This year, I will be sensible. This year, I will, I will, I will..._

She doesn't say them aloud, doesn't make them a reality, because she knows that the chances of her keeping to them are ridiculously slim. She is standing outside the Rovers, alone, as her neighbours sing along to _Auld Lang Syne_ in front of her, none of them really noticing that she is there, hiding behind a large glass of red as is her way these days. She can see Simon amongst the crowd of people, his face illuminated in the dark of night, lit with happiness Carla reckons as he links arms with his father and **–** for all intents and purposes **–** his mother, and joins in with the song.

What a perfect little family they make. It almost makes her feel sick, except she is far too numb for that. She doesn't want to begrudge a child of his happiness, especially after all that he has been through in the past month alone, but she cannot help but think of how much easier her life could be if it weren't for his adoration of the Saint Leanne. God, must that woman get away with everything? Love. Lust. Longing. It shouldn't matter. She still slept with someone else, still betrayed Peter in a way Carla knows he would never betray her.

Carla sighs, loudly. She looks up to the sound of a door slamming shut across the road and is annoyed to see that it is only Nick making his way onto the street. He is still buttoning his coat up, but he takes one look at the spectacle she was just torturing herself with and begins to walk in the completely opposite direction, towards the wreckage that was once his new livelihood. A new chance for him. A fresh start.

Intrigued, Carla places her now empty wine glass onto Ken Barlow's windowsill which she had been leaning against and finds herself following him. Perhaps it's boredom that makes her do so, perhaps it's the thought that he is wallowing in it as much as she is by the looks of things and she just needs someone to offload to. Someone that will understand.

"Oi! Nick! Where are you going?" she calls after him.

He does not slow his pace. Nor does he acknowledge her presence.

"Nick!"

She is steadier on her feet than most people would be six inches from the ground with two bottles of wine in their system, but still she stumbles after him as he, again, pretends not to hear her. It is only when she catches up to him and pulls at his arm that Nick stops to face her. He looks as tired as she feels and equally as annoyed.

"What?" he asks in a hard voice she'd have winced at if she weren't so used to it.

"Where are you going?"

He sighs.

"I don't know," he admits. He gives a small laugh, but it is cynical and it makes her look away from him. Her own bitterness is enough for her to deal with. She'd rather not feel his along with her own. "Somewhere that's not here. I don't know, Carla. I just... I don't know."

He goes quiet, the singers on the other end of the street's voices rising up into the midnight sky. It's cold and Carla pulls her coat tighter around her, jumping as the first firework breaks out in celebration of the new year. The sky fills with colour and she wishes she were able to find it beautiful.

"Happy new year."

She turns to him, her smile slight. He is looking up at the sky with a distant look in his eyes that he will not direct towards her. It's like he physically can't, like it's painful for him to properly interact with another human being when he is in such a fowl mood, longing only for interaction from the one person he is being denied it from.

"Isn't it your birthday?" Carla asks him, seemingly out of nowhere, and she is surprised that she has even remembered. But not as surprised as he is.

"It was yesterday, yes," he replies.

She nods. She so recently set fire to the many forms that contained his date of birth, the many contracts that once bound them together. Carla exhales deeply and watches her breath dance about her face in a white mist that is as transparent and permanent as she herself feels.

"Well, happy birthday for yesterday, then," she says.

Nick shuffles awkwardly on the spot. He buries his cold hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"Thanks," he says before turning to her. They catch each other's eyes as fireworks continue to fill the sky. "I just hope that this year's better than the last."

He's being genuine with her; honest. She knows that he is because his voice has a sighing quality to it and he is speaking in a reflective tone that is almost too close for comfort. Carla closes her eyes, thoughts of how a year could possibly be any worse swimming in her head, and it's too much for her to think about. Too much for her to bear.

"Me too," she sighs and they nod to one another in a mutual understanding. "It can't get much worse, can it?"

She laughs, bitterly. Her attempt at adding humour to the situation falls flat.

Nick shakes his head. "No, it can't."

They find their eyes being drawn to the family way off into the distance and their hearts sink just that little bit further in their already aching chests.


End file.
